I’m at a very different point in my life than where I was a year ago. I’m semi-settled into my Rhode Island life, which is extremely comforting and keeps me wanting more out of life. But there’s always something that holds me back and I don’t know how to control it. So now, at this moment, I’m going to try to get back at what I’m supposed to be doing. Focusing on my health and my future. Now it begins. This will have to be a food journal as well. Not just what I eat, but how I feel, and why I’m eating. What makes me binge, what makes me not eat, what makes me feel like crying while I stare in my pantry to make me feel better, all of it. My photography has been neglected, but then again I’ve neglected myself and I have to do something about it. I’m hoping this will help. My weight gain started when I moved to Florida. I’ve had all this time to try and fix it and I can’t. No matter what, my honesty and fear of failing, fear of life, fear of constant rejection will be here. I have to do this because nothing else has worked. But a 12 hr early day awaits me tomorrow. Time for bed. 

These are all from my iphone. A 20 minute trail hike led here. This is another reason I will always love Rhode Island more than Florida any day. I can hit up a trail 10 minutes away whenever I want. It’s always so beautiful to me. :D

MEGACON!!!! 2012

I remember it well….

The track that made me fall in love with Damien Rice.

      I’ll always remember the first time I heard him. On the way to your Mom’s house. You had just played “The Blower’s Daughter” and you told me about that song. How he was in love with the flute teacher’s daughter, then that last line which was sung so softly, barely able to hear it. “I can’t take my mind off of you, til I find somebody… new.” I remember saying “Wow, at least he was honest.” I immediately decided I liked this man. Such a beautiful song. Then there was “Cannonball.” You love singing. But we both admit you do it badly. I hear your voice every time I play this song. Over and over, no matter what, it’s your voice I hear. These lyrics mean so much because its me. I stared out the window, listening to you sing thinking, “I could be with him forever.” Staring out the window, seeing nothing but passing trees, from Orlando to Orange City. I always was so adamant that YOUR iPod was not allowed to play in my car. I’d play 1 or 2 of my songs, and hand the cord over to you. Little things mattered to me. You did everything right. You have no idea. It amazes me why it ended. I still don’t fully understand. It didn’t have to be like this. So, yeah. I’m not over it at all. I still love you. Even though I lied and told you I didn’t. You will never understand what you mean to me. Everyone saw it. You never met the people in my life. Distance was a fuckin fun thing, wasn’t it? I was different because of you. I was always smiling. Nothing brought me down. My face lit up when you called. I was me when I was with you. 

If we had a song this would be it. 

St. Augustine 1-29

Random road trip. More to come when I get my 35mm film developed.

knowyourmeme:

My favorite song is “Little Führer Bugs” but you’ve probably never heard of it.

KYMdb - Hipster Hitler

I almost pissed myself….